Eileen Ng
Create Your Badge
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Broken heart * 250210 to 290611 *
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Pissed off to the max...!!!!! 14:34
Right now, I'm going to self-declared that I do not have this kind of brother. And I don't have brother like you from now on! I'm not related to you anymore!!! You better BEAR THIS IN YOUR FUCKING MIND!!!!!
First, you're fucking rude to dad! Talking no manner, as if he must very scared of you. Being a son, you can treat your own parent in this way!!! What's come around will come back to you! Seriously, you're totally fucking useless and hopeless! Next time your kids will treat you the same thing like what you treat my dad!!! Fuck you!! So what, you're low in IQ doesn't mean you can treat them in this way!!! You going to turn into 25 year old this year yet, you still act like a kid not even grow up at all!!! Damn fucking childish and makes me want to puke!!! Damn gross! Only how to talk yet not doing nothing! Hello!!!! Wake up your fucking bloody ideas can!!!!! You're the one who did wrong things. Do already still scared people complaint about you! Fuck la! Scared people complaint about you, then DON'T DO LA! COWARD!!!!! Seriously, I really never see this kind of fucking, bloody coward living in this world!!! And, I NEVER see a son treating and talking to dad in this way! What kind of son are you!! FUCK YOU!
Whatever you said to me this morning, I will BEAR in my mind!!! You better don't regret! From now on, I hate you to the max. When you go out, you better don't tell people that I'm your SISTER! I don't have this kind of brother like you! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!! Always saying sorry to mom!! Come on la, how many times do you need to say sorry?! Now say, the next day, still the same!! Hello!! What the hell you said sorry for? Fuck you la, DUDE! You're no longer that I used to know anymore. I swear that when people asked me do I have sibling, I will said "I don't have any sibling..." I SWEAR THAT I'D SAY THAT!!!!!!
Stop acting innocent, act cute, childish mind!!!! Makes me damn gross, damn disgusting, damn fucking puke!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!
Want me to forgive you? HELL NO! I'm not going to forgive you, bastard! Over my dead body! I WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU FOREVER!!!!
| 2012.01.26 Thursday | - | comments(0) |
CNY 2012 10:05
HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE! HUAT AR!
22 Jan - Sunday
Today is Chinese New Year Eve. Nothing much actually. Having steamboat at home. It is best to have steamboat with family during this special day.
23 Jan - Monday
Was pretty tired! Was being dragged out of my bed by my dad. Done with my make up and off to my grandparent's house. Zhi Yi told me that today I looked pretty different. After which, went to my 舅舅 house. 舅母 said "wha... 越大越漂亮" Makes me so shy!!! My 二姨 and her husband came back from Holland. She said "Faster get a boyfriend..." I know that's very common question during Chinese New Year. But I didn't expect that this common question will target on me. >,< We went to my dad's side relative after that. And it's raining! :x Finally last stop is at 大姨's house!!! :D My cousin, Shu Hui they all, were at there. Haha. Chinese New Year was getting boring each year. Don't know why. Should I just avoid the Chinese New Year? :x As usual, daddy and they all were playing poker cards till 12 plus in the morning. This Friday going to my cousin's house. Third auntie.
24 Jan - Tuesday
Woke up pretty late and was really tired to the max. My brother and I headed down to Clementi and followed by Sengkang. Before that, we had our lunch at Ichiban Sushi. Was damn full to the max till too lazy to move around. =x Went to uncle Neo's house (my daddy's friend). Had a great chat with uncle Neo. After that, headed back home. Was pretty tiring walking around with heels for the whole day.
25 Jan - Wednesday
Yay. Today no working today! Later going to meet up with toe toe for lunch. Going to Hotel M. :D After which, in the evening, go to auntie Jian feng's house for dinner. Again, tomorrow no working for me again. 9am or even before 8 plus can go home. Whee~ Friday half day for me and Saturday half day for me too! So meaning that, I only work ONE day for this week. Pretty cool ya! Heh.
Alright, shall stop here now. Going to get myself prepared now. :))
| 2012.01.25 Wednesday | - | comments(0) |
~* Rainbow *~ 21:28
I wanted to upload the photo of rainbow which I took just now. But I've no ideas why Jugem doesn't allow me to upload. Anyway, can't be bothered.
Earlier on, I was happened to see rainbow right in front of me at my house area. The moment I saw the rainbow, it's remind me of him and what he told me on that day when we were on our way back home after work. He told me "Bb, see, there's a rainbow right in front of you. Since there's a rainbow, tomorrow will be better." His sentence made me more encouraging and be more brave. I do remember he told me "Bb, write "watching rainbow with my bb." when I wanted to upload the photos to FB. This is my second time seeing rainbow right in front of me. The first time seeing rainbow was with him when we were on our way back home after work. But... now, seeing rainbow without him by my side. At this moment, it makes me think of him even more than usual. The feeling of watching rainbow with him in the past and watching rainbow without him in the present was totally different.
I did once asked myself that am I really able to let go of him? Am I really able to forget about him? I'm clueless in the questions that I've asked myself. Or rather, I should say, I avoided answering the questions and I really don't know what the answer is. People said that women have six senses which was really accurate. To me, I believe. Before he leave, my six senses did told me that he came back, he will completely changed. I even tried to convince myself not to trust my six senses, but... it is accurate after he's back. I didn't expect that everything has completely changed within a month. It is really hard to believe that he was changed completely within a month. JUST A MONTH! </3
| 2012.01.21 Saturday | - | comments(0) |
Lazy Thursday 19:31
What a lazy Thursday I should say. Pretty bored at work lately and was quite quiet than before. I believed that most of the company start to close and some going back to hometown for Chinese New Year (CNY). As for me, of course, waiting for Chinese New Year (CNY) to arrive. Thank God, I still have my drama to watch over my Iphone else I'll be very bored to the max.
Yesterday, I painted my hands with half blue with half glitter and top coat which is final step. Well.. that's my first attempt for doing it. Used almost an hour plus to do it. I never take long hour just to paint my nails. I'm so loving it on my hand now.
This morning, auntie quek brought two sets of Korean series for me. Am able to watch Korean series over the Chinese New Year when I'm at home. But then, end of this month, I'm going to cut down my drama. As my remodule going to start very soon and I'll be very busy for the next two months, I guess. With my exams and assignment, I won't have the time to watch my drama. But luckily, auntie quek asked me to take my time to watch my drama and not hurry! Yay. So right now, I'm able to take my time to watch my drama. She told me that I'm the first person that she lent me two sets of DVD. I know auntie quek (the two sisters) dote on me a lot.
Past few days, I've been dreaming of him. I've no ideas why. Going to seven months soon, yet I still unable to forget about him. I know, I should forget about him, but I can't do it at all. Although I have decided to let go. I... I... know that I shouldn't carry on this over and over again.But. I know I'm weak! But whenever walked past the basketball court, void deck etc, it remind me of him. How can I really forget about him!! :( Sometimes, I really don't know what I really want. Living in his shadow, life was really miserable to the max. Since he lied to me yet, I still tried to convince myself to trust him. End up... this is what I really get back from him.
| 2012.01.19 Thursday | - | comments(0) |
学不会 20:14
當你還在為愛付出和經營時, 你所愛的人變了、累了，最後告別你時，
因為心境上的落差，他累了不在乎了，但你還在乎，因此而痛徹心扉.
但是歌詞的最後，他並沒有因為上一段不完美的戀情，因算放棄愛情，
還是選擇相信愛情。只是不同的是，或許因為這一份有緣無份戀情，
學到了多一分的成。
I find this quote was similar to the feeling that I'm having now. </3
| 2012.01.10 Tuesday | - | comments(0) |
Updates ~ 19:27
Last Saturday, ended work around 11.30am. Very rare that I went home at this timing. Well, I'm helping my dad to bring some things back before headed out to do my hair. Yes, I changed new hair styles. From long hair to short hair. Oh yah, auntie quek brought me a DVD and is a korean drama!! Oh man, I'm so addicted to korean drama now. Thanks uh.
Last Sunday, my dad told me that my grandma was asking about me. And asked me to go and visit her tomorrow after work. In the late afternoon, went to AMK Hub with my parent. Bought a pink vest which was my daddy paid for it. My throat was really uncomfortable, so was haunting for herbal tea. I want to get almond herbal tea but sold out. No choice, I bought myself a luo han guo with coughing medicine. Was really bitter I should say.
Yesterday, I went to my grandma's house after work. Ended work at 4pm. The moment I stepped into the house, I know I can't be rude to my aunt though she did something really too much to her own brother which I really can't accept. But then, I still called her aunt. Is a manner. I saw my grandma was sleeping soundly and Yati (the maid) saw me. And she went in and woke my grandma up. Its really heartbreaking when I saw my grandma's both hands became very thin and lying on the bed plus need the maid help just like a new born baby. My grandma dotes on me a lot since I was young, that's why I got this kind of feeling. My second aunt told me that my grandma has the confusion in timing.
5.15pm (roughly about that time), went off. Headed to school to pay my psychology which will start on this end of this month. From that day onward, I'll be pretty busy with my school work and assignment coming up~ Guess, won't be watching too much drama either. I bought myself two boxes of false lashes which cost 6 bucks. Isn't that cheap?
Today.... Supposed to meet up with my cousin. But she got works to do, so postponed it tomorrow instead. Like that also good, she don't have to rush here and there. Tomorrow going to continue to haunt for Chinese New Year clothing soon.
After visited my grandma, I remember he told me that spent more time with my grandma. Till now, I still remember every single words that he told me which I couldn't forget about it. Sometimes, why am I still thinking of him and still loving him when he treated me in this way? I myself got no ideas. Perhaps he really did gave me a sense of security before he changed to another person. I told myself not to think of him and let go of him, but I still couldn't. All the while, I just lying to me. When there's nothing to do, I'll think of him, the moments that we do together, every single words from him. Wherever I goes, I'll definitely remind me of him and came into my mind immediately. How I wish he were here with me right now. I need him badly. But... Deep in my heart, it's impossible. If still together right now, next month will be two years anniversary for both of us. But.. But... But... But... All these will not happen again.
I find myself very silly enough, why do I still miss him? Why am I still loving him while he's not anymore? Been a year plus of relationship, it was really tough on me to let go. You guys asked me to let go, but you were not me. Say it very easy, but when comes to do it, is really hard. Whenever I took bus, definitely will past through the path that we walked together.
I don't know how am I going to make myself to let go of him. Till now, I still unable to let go of him. Sigh.
| 2012.01.10 Tuesday | - | comments(0) |
~ Spring cleaning on New Years' Holiday ~ 14:16
Today is Public Holiday and no Monday blues. Last night had a really good sleep compared to last Saturday. Thanks God!
Just finished spring cleaning on kitchen! Freaking tired and shagged. Times flies. Chinese New Year (CNY) is coming soon, which is on 23 Jan. After which, my lecture will be starting soon. Doing spring cleaning was really tiring to the max. I even can understand my mom feeling whenever need to do house chores everyday. But except weekends. Salute to my mom! And awesome mom I ever had. I'm unable to find a second mommy like her. So, my mom cannot be replaced forever. Finally, I'm able to sit down in front of my laptop. I've been switched on my laptop since morning (the moment I woke up) till now. Why? I'm downloading Hong Kong drama so that I able to transfer the drama into my Iphone. Meaning that I'm able to watch my drama tomorrow. But tomorrow, I've to do the SOA which I really hate to the max. But no choice, have to do so. Tsk~
Right now, in my mind still thinking of him. How?! Unable to control my mind by not thinking of him. I even wondering what is he doing right now, etc. I wanted to text him but I can't help it. I'm lack of courage to do so.
This Saturday, I'm going to change new hairstyle. Going to reborn and probably will chop my hair short! But of course, not too short as what you all think!
| 2012.01.02 Monday | - | comments(0) |
Happy New Year 13:12
First post for 2012. Before I proceed anything, I'm hereby to wish everyone a "Happy New Year".
2011 has come to the end. Yesterday, went to my godma's house after work. She asked me to get some drinks before heading to her house. Reached godma's house around 2plus, I think. I fallen asleep while watching tv. Woke up around 5plus? Serene and Luke came. Started our steamboat around 6pm. Not too sure the exact timing la. Lots of laughters over the dinner. 9.30pm cleaned up all the mess. After which, start to drink! So much fun, I would said. Then around 3am in the morning, then took cab back home. Didn't sleep well. Rather, I should say I don't go to bed and sleep!
Alright... I think now, I should resolution about last year and this year..... Might be a longer post, I supposed.
2011:
First, lots of things happened and changed till I unable to accept or face the reality. 16 months and 4 days of relationship were gone in one night. It takes longer time to built up, but... It takes less than 2 minutes to destroy all your work hard. If the time able to turn back, I want to remain where I am when he went overseas. I do miss him till now. I just living in my OWN world after he left. Definitely will not deny it. I admitted it. His leaving has changed my world totally. Really huge impact on me that he will do this to me. Whenever I'm alone, or walking down the street, I'd think of him and miss those days with him.
Secondly, I've to remodule for my two modules and will start on end of this month. Clement told me that he deferred his costing supplementary exam. So meaning that he'll be attending the free lecture with us. Means, we're going to become as classmates in REAL SOON! I wanted to complete in one go! NO SUPP paper for me anymore! Guess, I'll be very stressed soon! Two assignment is coming up soon. Gonna enjoy my holidays for the next two to three weeks before becoming a bonkers! =x
2012:
This year, I don't know what resolution I should think of. Just hoped that I'll completed everything and go for degree course in June or whatever month in this year.
| 2012.01.01 Sunday | - | comments(0) |
~ 3 more days left ~ 19:46
Can't believe that 2011 is coming to the end in three days time. Not pretty excited actually. Rather should say, I really disliked this year to the max. Lot of things happened in this year.
Tomorrow is the day that he left me and exactly six months. I know I shouldn't be like this anymore. But.. but.. I really can't help it. I told myself not to think about him. End up, I really miss him lots. Some times, I still blaming myself, is it because I'm not doing my part that enough as his girlfriend? Or did I really done something wrong? Friends around me kept telling me that it isn't my fault, and I have done enough for him. For the past six months, I'm not doing good as what he really thinks of when he said that I'm doing pretty good without him. I can tell you that, he's wrong! I'm not doing pretty good for these past six months. He knew it really tough on me. Since he knew it, why is he still doing this to me? Some times, I really wanted to whatsapp him whether how's he doing, etc? But, I don't have the courage to do so. To be frank, I've completely shut myself up. I'm not going to open it up anymore.
I even dreamt of him in middle of the night, some more. How I wished I'll stay in the dream forever. Don't want to wake up from that dream. Once woke up, the dream is no longer at there anymore. Back to reality. How I wished he really come back to me. Man! I... really don't know what's wrong with me! Argh. Kept saying that I wanted to get over him, but. I can't. Totally can't. Wherever I go, all the places that we gone together, reminds me of him. Whenever thought of him, memories flashed back into my minds, my tears can't be control and started to flow out. All these point of time, I'm able to feel my heart aching. And asking myself why everything was turn out to be in this way. His shadow was floating in my mind, no matter how I wanted to get rid of it. Technically, I'm still in his shadows.
Like yesterday, my dad needed to unloaded the goods so my dad's friend treated us bun. While eating bun, automatically think of him. Why do I say that? Cause he bought bun for me and came all the way to my dad office while my dad unloading the goods. I still remember that was one of the weekend, Saturday. And it's drizzling at that time. At that moment, I felt very touched and I thought I'm a fortunate and most "xin fu" girl in this world cause my own boyfriend bought bun for me when I said "by the time, i meet you, i'm hunger to death." After which, he immediately bought food for me. But now... it'll not happened for the second time anymore, even though I wished to!
Without him, life was really miserable, meaningless. And... don't really get used to it till now though six months has past! </3
| 2011.12.28 Wednesday | - | comments(0) |
Last month of 2011 10:36
Times flies pretty fast now and also last month of 2011. In 2011, there are many changes and lots of happening in this year. I shall not reveal now, maybe end of this month I'll reveal then.
Can't really recall the things that I've been doing lately. Roughly posted about what I've been doing lately then!
(27 Nov - Sunday)
Met up with my cousin, Shu Hui. We went for shopping at Orchard. Went to New Look to haunt for winter clothing as Shu Hui will be away from 1 Dec to 8 Dec. She's going to Japan for holiday. She told me that I gave a lot of advises on the winter clothing and shoes. After that had our dinner at Sakae Sushi at wheelock. Was pretty full. The feeling was really good after you ate hot chawanmushi during the cold weather! After which, we went to have our ice cream before heading back home. During the cold weather, and eat ice cream was pretty craziness eh?!
(28 Nov - Monday)
After work, went to meet up with Jing Jing at cityhall control. She was late, I think. Then after which, we had our dinner at HandBurger at Raffles Link there. Guess, I'll not go back there anymore. Why do I say that? First, their service for trainee wasn't good. Why? There's a trainee used one hand to handle two plates of ice cream and one of the ice cream was poured (should say, spilled) on my bag! Luckily, I didn't brought my Burberry bag else, I will definitely upset and pissed off. The best part, this trainee spilled ice cream onto my bag, he didn't say sorry to me. After dinner, we walked to Suntec City. She wanted to registered something, but the registration was closed. So we walked back to MRT and took circle line back home. As usual, we were craziness whenever we go home together. Took some picture but.... It wasn't that nice! :(
(29 Nov - Tuesday)
Wished myself a Happy Birthday. Different from last year. Received lots of birthday wishes from my friends, relatives, etc. But... I didn't receive his text no matter how long I waited. And this is part of my birthday wishes. Oh yah! I received my Financial Reporting Intensive results~ I can't believed that I passed my exam. Why do I say that? Cause in my written exam, I didn't really do well. I thought I'd failed my exam! But... It's the other way round instead. Thanks Lord! I could say this is my best birthday present today. Half day leave, and headed to town to repair my phone. And they exchanged a new handset for me. After which, headed back home to watch my MAMA 2011. Oh my! I simply love Korean girls! Don't get mistaken! What I mean is, their legs was very thin and long and especially their complexion! *Envy* I got to do something about it soon! Lastly, I would like to thanks everyone for the birthday wishes and really appreciated it.
(30 Nov - Wednesday)
Supposed to meet Joan and Wei Bing. But don't know what's going on there, end up didn't meet up. So headed back home after work.
(01 Dec - Thursday )
Cousin is going to Japan, Tokyo today! Enjoy your trip dear! (: Can't recall what did I do. Anyway, straight home after work. (I know it's pretty boring life I having now)
(02 Dec - Friday)
Can't recall anything..
(03 Dec - Saturday)
Can't recall anything..
(04 Dec - Sunday)
Met up with Si Wei at Bugis. By right, we supposed to meet at 12.30pm. But both of us overslept so we meet at 1pm instead. Went to haunt for Iphone 4S as she wanted to buy and bring it back to Holland. But sad, she couldn't buy cause the warranty isn't international. If anything problem, she have to come back to Singapore again. Furthermore, the Iphone 4S don't have any stocks right now. We went to have our drinks at Starbucks. After which, we headed down to town, Orchard. I bought a non degree spect and an Iphone button sticker. Had a great shopping with Si Wei! Bought lots of things. After which, had our dinner at Xin Wang at Ion Orchard. Can say, is our first meal of the day. We are become immortals! :x Man! Unbelievable. After which, we headed back home.
(05 Dec - Monday till 09 Dec - Friday)
Nothing much to talk about!
(10 Dec - Saturday)
As usual, woke up quite early as need to work. Haven't start work, I started to think of knocking off time! Sound ridiculous. Reached home around 1 plus. Started to watch my Korean drama again. So addicted to Korean drama. Hoho. Didn't had my lunch. So went to Changi Village with my parent for an early dinner. After that, headed back home. Was on the way back home, Si Wei called me whether if I want to meet her at Bugis to haunt for clothing? But I told her that I'm with my parent now. End up, I didn't went.
(11 Dec - Sunday)
What a cooling weather I should say! Have been raining for the whole day I think. It is nice weather to sleep. But... my dad dragged me out of my bed at 10 plus, nearly to 11am. After which, headed to Tampines Mall for brunch. Walked around the mall and 2pm went home. Again, continue to watch my Korean drama after that. Around in the late evening, went to Kovan mall with my parent for dinner. Shopped around the mall before headed back home.
(12 Dec - Monday)
Today... I brought my laptop to work. I think I will not get bored. Why? Cause I brought my Korean drama (DVD) to work! Ha ha. This morning, I'm done with my submission of contributing CPF and also installed anti-virus 2012 in my laptop. Ha ha. Now, nothing to do. Later going to watch my drama in my laptop. Guess what? I forgotten to bring my earpiece today! :( Unable to listen to music while I'm on the way back home today. Tsk! Auntie quek bought us filet o fish when I was telling my dad that how come auntie quek never come and chase after me for the DVD. I'm so sleepy!!! Eyes half closing~ :x
| 2011.12.12 Monday | - | comments(0) |
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